(terrible, horrible, no good, very bad). well, that is probably an overstatement. but i feel pretty stressed out. or tossed up or jumbled or what have you. i like giving sermons when i have prepared for them well. i like to share the things that excite me about God's message of freedom and love and the kingdom of his rule intersecting our lives in the here and now. i have to (get to?) speak in church tomorrow and i have to do youth group tonight, and sunday school tomorrow morning, and college & careers tomorrow night. and i feel as though i do not have very much to say at any of those places.

and now my car sounds like it is gasping for air. it sounds like it would if you took a wheezy old man and tapped quickly on his windpipe as he was breathing. maybe it is gasping for air, trying desperately to hold to its existence. you can do it german hatchback - hold on!! i wish that i knew more about cars.

it sucks trying to write a sermon when you don't feel like you are doing a good job at life. like, when you don't feel close to the Almighty, and feel like you should be doing everything you are doing better than you are doing it. help. i am glad that i don't serve the "send money and i'll think about it" god of the televangelists but the forgiving god of muderous adulterous kings who waits to listen for our cries for help. i used to think that i wasn't a feeler, used to fashion myself as a cool-hearted considerer of the cosmic balance. but it is a lie i am a feeler. my seemingly (seemingly to my former self, that is) detatched sarcastic outward demeanor is really tethered to an emotional sack of gooey feelingness adrift on the tumultuous sea of daily experience. hah.

rambling over and out.