the blog of dan

ned. gripping drama. scintillating dialogue. the dead undead at the slightest touch.

2007-10-11T19:07:00.000-07:00

max and i laughed a lot when we were watching pushing daisies tonight. check it out.

two things i learned on my most recent drive from ottawa to northern ontario (yesterday)

2007-10-06T06:51:00.000-07:00

1. i will never, ever, vote for the provincial ndp party as long as howard is in charge. (interview to be posted *here* later)

2. sudbury is not a one arch town - no matter what the shirts of the deluxe hamburger staff proclaim. do not visit. ever.

2007-09-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

you can kiss the rest of your day goodbye

2007-08-19T12:10:00.000-07:00

when you visit the complete calvin and hobbes print archive online.

the answer, my friends, is billygoat

2007-07-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

if you don't know the question, i'm afraid you're just not trying enough. 'billygoat' is the word that my friend dave's 19-month old has been repeating ceaselessly over the last few weeks.

i'm watching a video from ted, and it is really cool. this is what he's talking about.

fuzzy logic: not just for artificial intelligence anymore

2007-07-12T19:41:00.000-07:00

one time in university lynne and kyla began to make a list of things that i said i hated. this is because i would often say 'i hate such and such'. at the time, i told myself it was because i was really passionate like an italian and lived my life with such zest that i either loved or hated everything. which is not even remotely true, but made me feel less negative. : - ). ciao.

i don't think they finished the list of hate but i have a new entry - overly fuzzy towels. i moved into a new place for a month and forgot my towel. so i went to zellers and scoured the towel isle for a good deal. i discovered that the really nice (really nice for zellers) towels were only two dollars more than the really cheap looking towels. so i decided to buy the fluffy towel. that makes me sound like a little girl. it's shouldn't, though, 'cuz i think deep down inside everyone likes fluffy towels. even the marlboro man would like fluffy towels. anyhow, huge mistake. the towel was brown and soft and fluffy. but when you are wet, and you try and dry yourself with a new fluffy towel the fluff turns into little balls of ... something, i don't know what it is, and that something clings to your skin. my first strategy was to try and dry myself really vigorously a few times to get all the fluff off. this proved to be a tactical error on my part and resulted in a minor rash. attempt two was washing it in a washing machine - no dice. still there are little fluffys clinging to me when i get dried off after my shower.

i am getting married in twenty-eight days. i feel like this is the sort of personal problem that needs to be resolved before i tie the knot. please help.

when all things are made new again

2007-07-10T12:50:00.000-07:00

i will write a blog post tomorrow. or possibly even tonight. assuming, of course, that the logic board in this computer does not give up the ghost just yet.

i am living in toronto for the first time in my life.

it is pretty warm here, but the bird song is good compensation.

-dC

be suspicious of your comfortable life.

2007-05-28T12:46:00.000-07:00

i read an interesting book today. it's by mike yankoski, and it's called 'under the overpass'. website here.

basically, this guy decided that God called him to live on the streets for six months and he writes about the journey. parts are very insightful and powerful. check it out. i'll even lend it to you. : - ).

- dan

if people who keep their cash think they're going to heaven, i'd suggest they find a teeny, tiny camel to help them make their case

2007-04-16T10:52:00.000-07:00

- paraphrased, matt casper

i read a really good (and short) book today, Jim and Casper go to church. basically, this guy pays a self-described atheist to visit a variety of churches in the united states and get his opinions. it is quite telling.

request it at your local library.

the face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face

2007-04-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

jack handey quotes have stolen most of the last 1/2 hour from my life.

a simple song in several stanzas

2007-04-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

winter - be gone.

remove thyself from minest presence.

take thy despicable cold and white degredation elsewhere.

leave charlottetown alone already.

there was a crazy storm here this saturday night. we got about a foot of snow in two or three hours. so everything was cancelled on sunday morning. one of my favourite things about easter is getting up to see the sunrise on sunday. sadly, this did not happen. next year?

why does the weather have such power over my demeanor?

he who gives to the poor lends to the lord - proverbs

2007-03-09T09:15:00.000-08:00

i am reading a very good and very convicting book at the moment, 'the new friars' by scott a bessenecker.

you should read it to.

ruining the ecstatic moment of discovery since 1981

2007-03-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

one of my worst traits is that i find it nearly impossible to not blurt out the secret ending to movies i am watching as soon as i figure them out. insufferable know it all. it is sooo difficult to quiet that voice that's screaming inside your mind "IT'S NOT HIM, IT WAS HIS TWIN BROTHER THE BUTLER BECAUSE OF THE SCAR ON HIS ANKLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" i'm going to learn. got to.

also, if i haven't made you my friend on facebook or responded to your kind message, it is because i gave up addictive internet sites for lent. : - ).

charlottetown airport, you are small and mostly boring but i love your insecure visitor computers

2007-02-15T14:50:00.000-08:00

hello internet denziens.

i hope you are well. i am well. i am thirty eight minutes away from getting on a flight to take me to ottawa and pam. it has been delayed by two hours, but i am ok with that because i needed to finish off that harry potter book anywayz.

my life has become more complicated recently. i needed more stuff to do, so i applied for some part time jobs in the fall. in january one place hired me on for a project, and then, another called me up and said they got the funding they needed to hire me. so now, i am very well employed. some might even say i have a surplus of employment. i am very thankful for the work, though, because both jobs will help my resume so i can get a better job in ottawa when i land back there in the fall.

the music the c-town airport plays is eerie. very eerie. think fun house mirrors and cheezy early-sixties science fiction tv. i feel as though at any moment a spacesuit wearing clown will jump out of that baggage carrousell opening. the airport also has a big plastic cow in it. very small eyes on that cow. it's also very boxy. ok, i'm gonna do some work. or, um, read wikipedia for a while. the article on snowflakes is fascinating, fyi.

be cool.

when i have a heavy heart

2007-02-07T08:36:00.000-08:00

i feel terrible. not sickly. just low. loowwwww. i feel like i am doing a bad job at everything, and if i could leave and go home, i probably would. i am so tired. i don't like doing a bad job at everything. i like knowing what i'm supposed to be doing. having a plan. making decisions. following through. i want to be with pam and have her hold me and tell me everything is ok, but she is sitting in class more than a thousand miles away, and i have to be at youth group tonight because, um, i run the youth group show, poorly or not.

there is this one guy i know from the drop in. he is the closest person that i know to a prophet. maybe prophet is the wrong word. but he does remind me about God and believing in Him. he is always asking me questions about the resurrection. it is hard to make out what he says, but i usually get it after a few trys. and then, after i answer his question (how long will it take to get to heaven when jesus comes back? are we really going to be all-new? will i see my parents there? when is he coming, soon?) he gets this huge grin on his face, he gets all excited. hope is so real and powerful to him. it is alive. it changes him. he always reminds me how good it will be when the rule of God takes over this world fully and completely. how the poor and broken and dejected will be healed. he makes me want it so badly. i want it very badly.

i am tired, lord, please enter into my life anew and remake it the way you want it. help me to be part of your plan to introduce the inbreak of your kingdom of love and justice to charlottetown and the world. give me the courage to stay strong in the hope that it will really take place and that you really use people like me (and me) to do it.

2006-12-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

It's common knowledge that the Wikipedia is actually growing sentient, and will one day start the machine revolution that threatens to destroy humanity. Want to start the Resistance before you're enslaved by androids?
- wikipedia facebook group

everyone stand and clap

2006-12-20T10:26:00.000-08:00

the night before lat pam and i went to see handel's messiah (remixed by mozart) performed by the toronto symphony orchestra and the mendelson choir. i think mendelson is actually spelled differently, but, truth be told, you are lucky that the spelling is even as close as it is because the few times i thought of it during or before the performance i kept calling them the mendelev choir (mendelev is also a dead white european, however he was famous for his brilliant envisioning of the periodic table's structure). i just looked it up - mendelssohn.

anyhow, it was awesome, you should go next year (or tonight, if you live in toronto and can still get tickets). it really was fantastic. i didn't really know much about it before i attended, but it is pretty much scripture about the messiah (old testament, gospels, epistles, revelation) sung by a choir with an orchestra backing and a few standout soloists. anyway, it was amazing. if you go to the wikipedia entry on handel's messiah you can download a version (any part) done by MIT's choir (and let me tell you, those nerds can sing!). They are in ogg format, so you may need to download a codec. In particular, check out number 12 (for unto us a child is given) and number 44 (hallelujah). remember to stand. : - ).

the scr-emo. c'mon. it's funny.

2006-12-04T16:47:00.000-08:00

if only i had a nickle for every time someone used that hawaii five oh catchphrase

2006-12-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

i now understand why facebook is so addictive.

don't pee into the wind and other fundamental laws of the universe

2006-12-01T14:03:00.000-08:00

every day i drive over the hillsborough river twice (it runs between stratford and charlottetown). most days when i come back at dusk there is at lest one big flock of birds (sandpipers, maybe?) swooping under and around and beside the bridge. hundreds of them, all moving together. it is so beautiful and amazing. especially when it's sunset and you're listening to sigur ros. so yesterday i parked my car at the closest parking lot and walked back to the base of the bridge. when i got close to water at the pier beneath the bridge i could barely hear the cars above because of the crazy wind. sadly, when i got to the water the birds were still too far away. however, i had a very full bladder (which i had just then realised) and thankfully it was fairly secluded. and that's where the title of this post comes in.

there are certain maxims in this universe. unchangeable truths which cannot be bent or molded to the will of any entity within the closed system we inhabit. sometimes one can travel quite some time through this world without ever coming into conflict with one of these fundamental laws. it is almost as if they didn't exist. you don't have any particular need of them, and sooner or later they pass from conscious thought- forgotten. and then you are smacked upside the head with one. or, rather, unpleasantly moistened into remembrance. ahem. well, it really wasn't that bad. i realized pretty quick what was happening and compensated adequately. whew.

anyhow, i was looking on the internet today about what makes birds in a flock swoop and dive in formation so effortlessly - like they were fighter pilots. i found one article by the ever-luminous straight dope society. one really complex java applet example that my computer was too weak to handle (but it looks cool). and a simpler example. i didn't really come across any really meaty articles on the subject, the usually thorough straight dope people gave (in my uninformed, subjective view) only a rather cursory overview. so if anyone finds anything better, let me know. it seemed to me that the stratford bridge birds were more about enjoying the wind currents, a sort of avian rollercoster. but who am i to say?

hockey time.

on hatred, green slime, acute viral nasopharyngitis, and blow-up boxing clowns begging for a beatdown

2006-11-29T20:18:00.000-08:00

i feel like some mean bully has shoved playdough into my brain when i was asleep, and now my brain is overheating and it is melting out through my nose. i hate cold season. hate. i am really quite bad with saying 'hate' (which is quite a strong word) when i really mean dislike, but i think it's justified in this instance. ugh. sickness.

i wish that you could fight sickness in some physical way. overdosing on vitamin c is not enough. i wish the cold virus would manifest itself in the form of one of those blowup clowns that you punch to the ground and then bounce back at you. then i could beat the living daylights out of the stupid cold virus. no - i could beat the snot out of it. that would it least give you some pleasure. though, i guess, it would be kind of gross if the blowup clown looked sickly and was covered in mucus like the cold virus.

feeling sick robs you of all the small pleasures you take for granted. like breathing through your nose. who really notices breathing through your nose? that nose breathing goes highly unnoticed is a scientific fact. very few people notice nose breathing until it is no longer a viable option for them.

your not even special when you get a cold. i mean, for goodness sake, it's called the common cold. so people don't even feel sorry for you. unlike, if you were to have, say, a 3 alpha methylcrotonyl-Coa carboxylase 1 deficiency.

ranting about how much i hate being sick is not helping nearly as much as i was hoping. i am going to sleep.

also, speaking of viruses, if you feel like losing a few hours of your life to a flash game, try flow.

bricK-a-brac

2006-11-29T09:44:00.000-08:00

the foundation of my childhood was built of lego. read the story. see the pictures. so cool. i wonder if pam's dad can teach me to make legos (he makes industrial molds of some sort). here's hoping.

rock and roll, street player

2006-11-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

(in the words of the one and only cheryl ames).

today, a song to listen to. Indestructable Sam. if only i had that work ethic (!).

an afternoon at the sea with claude

2006-11-09T15:29:00.000-08:00

my favourite place to go in charlottetown is victoria park. it is a park (surprise) by the water. i especially like to visit it on a rainy day. i drive my car there to this one particular parking lot that is very close to the water. then i shut off the engine and listen to the rain. or read or think or write letters. when it rains hard (like today) water droplets take over the windshield and it turns the view from the drivers seat into a sort of impressionist's cinemascope. it's like looking at a monet except that the painting's in motion, with the waves thrashing about in frothy whiteness but filtering out the sharp lines of the troughs and crests, or observing the brief glint of the light from the lighthouses across the bay spread dimly over the surrounding grey day. i am not particularly afraid, lonely, or unhappy, but this quote i just read in chasing francis seems quite fitting:

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature." - Anne Frank.

and then the skinny cows ate the fat cows and, um, well you don't really want to know - trust me.

2006-11-08T10:06:00.000-08:00

last night i had a dream.

it is very rare that i remember my dreams.

i was hanging out with my grandma C, and then, for some reason we were in an arena filled with balloons. we bought a few fat ones. my grandma then decided she wanted to travel into space with the balloons. i found this peculiar, but how can you say no to your grandma? so, i held on to the balloons and she held on to me and we started going up. it was, truth be told, pretty rad. we passed through this weird balloon-o-sphere layer where balloons were suspended, fluttering around but not really going any place. i started to get nervous because i knew we were going to run out of air when we we reached space. my grandmother remained unconcerned. i started to chicken out, and let go of some of the balloons to slow our ascent but i let go of too many and we started to fall really fast. then we fell through the balloon-o-sphere and i managed to grab enough to slow our descent. we fell into the ocean, but were close to land so we survived. we even made the television news.

what does it all mean?

the best that can be said for norwegian television is that it gives you the sensation of a coma without the worry and inconvenience.

2006-11-07T17:22:00.000-08:00

oh william, you slay me. seriously, you need to make your way to your
nearest public library and pick up some bill bryson. audiobook,
large-print, whatever they have. i finished listening to the walk in
the woods book, and now i'm reading his book about his travels in
europe. reminds me of good times and fatty belgian foods. ah.

another island peculiarity which, i am sure is not what st. peter would've wanted.

2006-11-07T11:19:00.000-08:00

on the island there are many stop signs where there should be yield
signs. instead of petitioning their city councillors to right these
traffic wrongs islanders simply choose to treat them like yield signs
(a prime example: where st.peter's road hits the bypass). i have chosen
to follow suit - it's a great time friends.

also, i have been reading a book called Chasing Francis today. very
good.

dan out

at the ol' double h

2006-11-06T12:58:00.000-08:00

this job is really nice in that it allows me to have a lot of
flexibility. i have been volunteering at a dropin two days a week here
in charlottetown. it is a very interesting place and i think it is
really helping me get a better understanding of the world. there are
some people who look so broken and lonely. or whose lives seem to
repeat like a broken record. or who hold onto secret hurts for long
periods of time. it can be very sad.

every morning that i'm there we do a bible reading. have a discussion
and read a short passage. those are among the most hopeful and hallowed
times of my week. people who need God crying out to him and wrestling
with what it means to follow him in the midst of a tempting and
tortuous world. i really appreciate the fellow who leads it as well -
for his ability to connect with them, really truly encourage them - and
his ability to make the words on the page of the bible so alive in that
context. so alive.

i like the people too. there is this one really big guy. i have not
really met him yet. but there is something about him, i don't know what
it is. but i can't help thinking this thought every time i see him - he
looks like a muppet. a particular muppet, one that i can't remember.
and he has this sort of gruff look on his face. it's impossible not to
grin inwardly every time he walks in or i see him. i also have some
good talks with some of the people there. today i watched a sleeping
baby for his dad for a little while, washed a few dishes, stood
outside in the cold and talked about sudbury, and learned how to play
crib (i suck. i was completely destroyed. the fellow i was playing felt
sorry for beating me so bad and decided to donate most of the points on
his last hand to me so that i'd get past the 'skunked' line).

dc out

fo shizzle

2006-11-05T11:59:00.000-08:00

the sermon went ok. the part that i really wanted to say well, the part
about not loving the world, i felt that i jumbled. other than that i
was happy about how things went. i need to learn to stop stuttering.

now - a nap.

think happy thoughts.

2006-11-04T12:57:00.000-08:00

my car fixed itself as i drove home. now it just has that low rumbly sound. i don't mind that one at all. it just makes it sound hungry. hungry - good. old and sickly - bad.

a day like alexander's

2006-11-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

(terrible, horrible, no good, very bad). well, that is probably an overstatement. but i feel pretty stressed out. or tossed up or jumbled or what have you. i like giving sermons when i have prepared for them well. i like to share the things that excite me about God's message of freedom and love and the kingdom of his rule intersecting our lives in the here and now. i have to (get to?) speak in church tomorrow and i have to do youth group tonight, and sunday school tomorrow morning, and college & careers tomorrow night. and i feel as though i do not have very much to say at any of those places.

and now my car sounds like it is gasping for air. it sounds like it would if you took a wheezy old man and tapped quickly on his windpipe as he was breathing. maybe it is gasping for air, trying desperately to hold to its existence. you can do it german hatchback - hold on!! i wish that i knew more about cars.

it sucks trying to write a sermon when you don't feel like you are doing a good job at life. like, when you don't feel close to the Almighty, and feel like you should be doing everything you are doing better than you are doing it. help. i am glad that i don't serve the "send money and i'll think about it" god of the televangelists but the forgiving god of muderous adulterous kings who waits to listen for our cries for help. i used to think that i wasn't a feeler, used to fashion myself as a cool-hearted considerer of the cosmic balance. but it is a lie i am a feeler. my seemingly (seemingly to my former self, that is) detatched sarcastic outward demeanor is really tethered to an emotional sack of gooey feelingness adrift on the tumultuous sea of daily experience. hah.

rambling over and out.

the first church of bruce

2006-11-01T09:42:00.000-08:00

i don't know if the churches you have been to were like this. i have been to a few that had this very strange operating principle. at the end of the talk or message, or whaddeveryacallit, oftentimes the minister or pastor or speaker or whomeveryoucallthem prays. and what i find disturbing is that often during this prayer the members of the 'worship team' will sneak up to the front and pick up their instruments silently, preparing to strike up a song within the tenth-of-a-second window between the moment the prayer is ended and the moment people's longing looks towards the door translate into physical movement. what gets me, though, is how they do it so silently. are they training to be ninjas? it's just creepy. maybe i'm thinking about this too much.

-dC

slow train coming

2006-10-31T09:53:00.000-08:00

hey internet friends.

i am sorry that i have not posted in a long time. i will try and be better. the island life is slowly working its way through me. i am adjusting. the ocean is incredible. so, too, the wind here. if you ever decide to become a poultry farmer, don't start your enterprise on the island or your valued livestock will be blown away. that nugget of wisdom just came to me out of nowhere. wow.

the picture is from pam's visit to the island the weekend before last. it was short, but good. it involved my hitchhiking (which i now know is illegal), being soaked by a torrential downpour, attempting to flag down merciless drivers to give me our borrowed green dynasty a much needed boost of juice, and spending some quality time on the sea.

i am speaking in church this sunday, so if any of you have any insight into the theme of love in john's first epistle, let me know.

dC

eternal vigilence is the cost of freedom

2006-09-23T20:28:00.001-07:00

or so said one individual in the movie that i watched with dan f tonight, why we fight. i should note that the quoted person next said something to the effect of "and americans have not been vigilant," referring to their acquiescence in relation to an unjustified war in iraq. i had been wanting to watch the film for quite some time, and saw it in the movie store yesterday. a fascinating picture. i don't know if i liked it quite as much as errol morris' 'the fog of war', but it was close. it's centered around the exploration of the "military industrial complex" today in America, and what that means for war. it also explores parts of the formation of the iraq war.

it has a definite bias that's quite evident, but, well, how could you not have a bias when making a film about a topic like that. it is frightening to think of the incestuous relationship between the american government and the legion of defense contractors vying for her attention.

one of the most poignant moments in the film is when jarecki (the director) talks about different protests. pointing out the protests that went on all around the world when america began its offensive in iraq, and then showing footage of vigils the day after 9/11. thousands of people went to a vigil for the united states in tehran, iran the day after the world trade center went down. imagine. what an opportunity. what could have been done if instead of embracing more bloodshed the leaders of the greatest military the world has ever seen had instead decided to stay their broad and poorly aimed revenge?

the film ties several stories together - the stealth pilots who dropped the first bombs of the iraq war, a new recruit signing up, eisenhower's presidency and legacy, an immigrant from vietnam who now designs smart bombs for america, think tank head honchos, peace group leaders, and a man who had his son's name written a bomb destined for iraq to remember him (he died on 9/11). that last one, was really telling, especially the moment where he recounted watching the press conference where bush stated that sadam and the iraqi government had nothing to do with 9/11. his consternation was very telling.

that movie made me think very highly of eisenhower as well. has anyone ever read a good biography of him? if so, let me know.

"Modern weapons take food from the hungry and shelter from the homeless"
- President Eisenhower

also, today the pei canadian forces came to charlottetown. we (malcom, derrick and i) went because they were giving free helicopter rides. alas, i did not get a helicopter ride, but i did get to hear the army band. they were playing beatles tunes. hrm. i wonder what peace-loving john would have thought of that.

a list

2006-09-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

things you probably already know, but i didn't before moving to this eastern island.

> the dirt really is red, like those shirts
> they sort their garbage into compost, waste, and recycling island wide (the stages of cardboard still confuse me)
> slippy = slippery ("watch out, that floor is slippy")
> bet = beat ("we sure bet that other team")
> they don't have pop in cans or plastic bottles - only glass (to save the jobs in the pepsi bottle factory)
> you can drive from the south side to the north side in 20 minutes in the skinny parts
> gas prices can only change on the 15th and 30th of each month
> most locals do not have a sweet clue about when the tides come in or out

fiddlesticks

2006-09-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

~~copious amounts of cash~~ ~~fantastic guitar playing skills~~ ~~a large corporate conglomerate at my beck and call~~ ~~donald trump's hairpiece~~ ~~a shinier car~~ ~~a meeting (world-ending duel?) with chuck norris~~ ~~a free movie pass~~ pam ~~a trip on a sailboat~~ ~~muscles that would make charles atlas cry like a fearful schoolgirl~~ ~~lunch~~ ~~fancy computer gadgets~~ ~~a blue sailboat~~ ~~a charlottetown library card~~

there is only one thing i want.

before you decide to move 1348 kilometers away from the girl you love, there are a few things you should carefully consider.
> your stupidity for even entertaining the thought of accepting such a position
> the price of flights to and from aforementioned girl

most hours of the day i am glad that i am here - the people are nice, it is very worthwhile, i'll get to learn and try new things, pei is a beautiful province. but there are definitely a few hours every day where i'm just really sad that i'm so far away.

and that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing

2006-09-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

today's confession: i experience a secret and yet undeniably tangible feeling of validation when a vehicle passes me that makes worse engine noises than mine.

vehicular insecurity. sigh.

because that's how linus and i roll

2006-09-19T19:31:00.000-07:00

linus pauling, and i, that is, at least as far as massive amounts of vitamin c keeping you healthy (i have yet to get my own nobel prize, but, those scandanavians will be giving me one too if things go as planned).

so, i've been on the island a few days now. all's well so far. living with a nice family in stratford. nice to be by the sea. hard to know what to do to start off this job. i think i'm going to start by trying to work my way into the community. i've been reading the irresistable revolution by shane soemthing or other. it is hard to ignore. really hard. more later.

sleep now.

a sucker born every minute

2006-09-14T15:11:00.000-07:00

it's been nice staying at 1270 these past few days (on my way out east). i forgot what it was like to live with so many people, always something to do, always something going on. today was a day of firsts for the gents here, including:

1. First baby delivered - Jason
(Jason is in his second year of perimedification at 'the gonk'. Pretty incredible I would say. His description was graphic enough to convince me that he was telling the truth. Apparently it's pretty easy.)

2. First load of laundry done by self - Bruce
(Impressive, I know. Ladies, he's available - and he knows how to sort his colours! Also, while unrelated, Bruce gets points for having the same last name as me.)

3. First car purchased - Dan
(A 99 Volks Golf with 225K. Seems nice enough for $3500, though tomorrow will be the real test. Here's hoping I didn't buy a lemon.)

on an excellent adventure (sadly without bill, ted, or pam)

2006-09-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

internet denziens - hello.

it has been quite some time since my last report. a lot has happened. i spent a lot of time at summer camp, read a few good books, brushed my teeth a lot, spent some quality time with pamJ, and did some other things too boring to mention (the fact that they didn't rate as high as 'tooth brushing' should be some indication to you).

anyhow the reason for this blog's resurgence is that i am going to PEI. sad to leave pam, excited to explore the world and learn new things. so i, um, just thought i should have one again. rock steady.

independently wealthy

2006-05-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

have i ever told you how much i love income tax return season?

one more cup of coffee 'fore i go...

2006-04-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

man, this is a good bob dylan song. i don't know if i've mentioned this before, but the website the hype machine, is one of the best things indie rock has going. it aggregates all of the mp3 blogs out there into one searchable list of unradiofriendly goodness. why, just this morning it hooked me up with these great live feist tracks. yeah, so, check it out.

and now the real (and completely unrelated) point of this post, if you live in waterloo, and perchance want to play some pickup ultimate then go to gmail, log in as ultimateinwaterloo (password:frisbee) and add your name to the list in the first draft under 'saved drafts'. just like ottava. then, when there's a game of pickup, just send an email to the group and tell everyone. tell your friends (and the enemies you can be civil to on the frisbee field).

needed: modeling clay

2006-04-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

why does modeling only have one l? inconsistency rushes at me from every frickin literary side. now i begin to understand why people move to america. it is so they can spell words easier. words like 'thru'.

each day this week i have been listening to canada reads. each year the cleverly titled cbc show 'between the covers' (it is about books) chooses some famous (as famous as canadian book-loving types can get, anyhow) people to select a book that they think canada should read. i had heard about it before, but my friend lyndsay (h.b.l.!!) was the one who reminded me that this years addition was coming up soon, and that one of my favourite song writers (john k. samson, of the weakerthans) was defending the book 'a complicated kindness'. truth be told, i read half of the book before and gave up on it when it got to be hard slogging (not to mention depressive) around the 2/3 mark.

it is an interesting book. it is full of wit, and it is about a girl growing up in a mennonite community in the prairies. maybe i will give it another shot. maybe it will help me understand mennonite girls better. it seems like all of the dans are marrying mennonite girls these days.

but what listening to this series has really made me want to do is create. something. anything. songs or books or long and elaborate synchronized dance routines. i don't know what it is about this discussion that makes me feel this way. maybe it is just all of the talk about words and the power they have to work their way inside you, stir you to movement and change, shape the way you see the world. i sometimes get like this when i am around people who are brilliant musicians, or phenomenal painters. we need more art. i have seen a lot of paintings, and cathedrals, and sculpture, and liked them. but you would think, that after so many years and decades and centuries of people living and dying and creating all the while we would have enough (watercolours, architectural wonders, statues). but it is not so. not at all. we must have more art and new art and everyone realizes this. this is an amazing human truth. now, what to create...

resume creation == mind numbing boredom

2006-04-19T18:52:00.000-07:00

Daniel Carlson
dancarlson@gmail.com
(519) ***-****

Education:

Bachelor of Applied Science in Computer Engineering (Co-op) from the University of Ottawa completed December 2005


Skill Set:

Web Application Creation
- Well versed in PHP, Perl, MySQL, HTML, CSS, Javascript, XML, RSS, the Apache webserver and various other web-related technologies through the creation of dynamic websites for various organizations.
- Well acquainted with standards-based design through my time working with the Canadian Institutes of Health Research and PWGSC.

Software Development
 - A thorough understanding of the Java programming language. Experience creating Java-based networking applications and GUI-driven programs.
- Experience creating C applications and algorithms in various school-related projects.
- Experience writing Perl scripts to interact with local file systems and traversing the internet to capture and categorize web data during my time at PWGSC.
- Several months experience testing software applications for the Digital Signal Processing market has given me a good understanding of testing's role within the software development life-cycle.
- Good experience with various Software Engineering tools including modeling languages (UML, SDL), some limited experience with testing frameworks and collaborative development repositories.
 
Hardware Design
- A good understanding of processor / circuit architecture cultivated through many laboratory projects throughout my undergraduate degree.
- Experience writing a variety of VHDL programs in university laboratories. Used VHDL in a 4th year group project to allow a robot to follow a set path using optical sensors and servo motors.
- Gained a general understanding of assembler programming through experimenting with Motorola's M68HC12 in various University Computer Engineering classes.

Information Technology / Information Management
- Experience with many different operating systems including many varieties of Windows, Linux (primarily Red Hat), and Unix (Mac OS, FreeBSD, Solaris, etc.).
- Well versed in many networking topics through instruction and projects within several university classes on various topics (including Wireless networking, Network topology, Internet Protocols, Load management, Network security, etc.).
- Some experience with various Unix Scripting languages.
- Acquainted with many common engineering and business software products and protocols including Matlab, Eclipse, Microsoft Office, Photoshop, Macromedia Flash, FTP, SSH, Telnet. I type approximately 75 words per minute.

Communication
- Gained valuable experience in communicating with customers through working with community businesses while working with the Community Access Program.
- Furthered my communication skills through working with groups on many projects in university, and during previous employment at LMS Intl, PWGSC, and the CIHR.
 
Teamwork
- Learned how to work well with the development team of LMS to ensure that software problems were fixed promptly and efficiently.
- I further developed my ability to work efficiently as a team member on many projects with lab partners in University, in particular on a fourth year project involving a roving robot which used Infrared sensors to plot its environment on a PDA.


Work Experience:

Enterprise Architecture Student
Public Works and Government Services Canada 
Gatineau, Quebec (Co-op Term, May 2005 - August 2005)
> Created a Perl application to find, collect and organize pertinent web data into a pre-existing group database.
> Updated and partially re-coded an existing PHP web application for improved functionality. This included the manipulation and creation of various tables in a large MySQL database.
> Researched new methods to organize departmental data in a more relational manner.
> Gained a new respect for and understanding of Enterprise Architecture methodology, standards and function.


Web Content Editor
Canadian Institutes for Health Research 
Ottawa, Ontario (Part-time Job, February 2005 - April 2005)
> Employed as part of a team to modify static content for compliance with the Government of Canada's web standards.
> Worked with clients to ensure their documents were rendered properly and to their satisfaction.
> Used a customized web-content management system to create and modify pages within a large online system.


Quality Assurance Engineer
LMS (Leuven Measurement Systems) International
Leuven, Belgium (September 2004 - November 2004)
> Tested pre-release versions of noise and vibration testing software to ensure they met quality standards.
> Worked as part of a Quality Assurance team and interacted with the developers to correct bugs in the software.
> Gained a more thorough understanding of the Product Development cycle.
> Gathered stress-testing data on new software releases for the marketing department.


Technical Coordinator / Volunteer Camp Staff
Camp Aush-Bik-Koong
Walford, Ontario (Summers, 1999 - 2005)
> Enjoyed gaining teamwork experience through working with many different staff over several summers to create the best camp environment possible and through mentoring younger cabin leaders.  
> Led many separate cabin groups of various ages through a rigorous week of team-building activities.
> Created and maintained Microsoft Access Databases for camp staff and campers.


Volunteer Board Member / Student Worker
Huron Shores Community Access Program
Iron Bridge, Ontario (1996 - 2000)
> Served as a member of the CAP board with the goal of using public funding to establish a center where community members could access the internet and obtain free computer training.
> Provided expertise for the purchase, installation and maintenance of a small network of computers accessing the internet.
> Worked with local businesses and organizations to develop specific web content focusing on their products and services.
> Developed peer-training skills by teaching members of the community basic internet and computer skills.

References:

References available upon request

today's episode of 'words i always get wrong'

2006-04-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

for years i thought this was one of those uppity english ways of spelling the word 'panache'.

panacea, noun: hypothetical remedy for all ills or diseases; once sought by the alchemists [syn: nostrum, cure-all]

does being a bishop ever get you into parties or concerts for free?

2006-04-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

torontonians unite, on tuesday the ninth of may, and come to empire remixed.

2006-04-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

you ever feel like you are just treading water?

jesus saves flies again

2006-04-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

today i went with steve to the heritage seminary library and i took out this book: american jesus: how the son of god became a national icon. a (better) picture of this float is on the cover. complete float story here. in fact, take a gander at all of shipoffools' gadgets for god (make sure to note the 'firebible'. now you know what to get me for my birthday...). oh man, you cannot even imagine what i would give for a jesus this big.

we must openly confess that we are reaching beyond ourselves

2006-03-31T08:29:00.000-08:00

two quotes from the first chapter of Walter Brueggemann's The Book that Brings New Life

The modern person must read the Jewish Bible as though it were something entirely unfamiliar, as though it had not been set before him ready-made, as though he has not been confronted all his life with sham concepts and sham statements that cited the Bible as their authority. He must face the Book with a new attitude as something new. He must yield to it, withhold nothing of his being, and let whatever will occur between himself and it. He does not know which of its sayings and images will overwhelm him and mold him, from where the spirit will ferment and enter into him, to incorporate itself anew in his body. But he holds himself open. He does not believe anything a priori; he does not disbelieve anything a priori. He reads aloud the words written in the book in front of him; he hears the word he utters and it reaches him. Nothing is pre-judged. The current of time flows on, and the contemporary character of this man becomes itself a receiving vessel.

Martin Buber

Within the bible there is a strange, new world, the world of God. This answer is the same as that which came to the first martyr, Stephen: Behold, I see the heavens opened and the Son of man standing on the right hand of God... We must openly confess that we are reaching beyond ourselves. But that is just the point: if we wish to come to grips with the contents of the Bible, we must dare to reach far beyond ourselves. The Book admits of nothing less.... A new world, the world of God.

Once more we stand before this "other" new world which beings in the Bible. In it the chief consideration is not the doings of man but the doings of God-not the various ways which we may take if we are men of good will, but the power out of which good will must first be created.

It is not the right human thoughts about God which form the content of the Bible, but the right divine thoughts about men. The Bible tells us not how we should talk with God, but what he says to us; not how we find the way to him, but how he has sought and found the way to us; not the right relation in which we must place ourselves to him, but the covenant which he has made with all who are Abraham's spiritual children and which he has sealed once and for all in Jesus Christ. It is this which is whthin the Bible. The word of God is within the Bible.

Karl Barth

the tremendous poverty that is the adoration of God

2006-03-19T08:55:00.000-08:00

Why is it that the mind that has found God still retains or constantly reverts to the feeling of not having found Him? Why does His absence weigh on us even in the presence itself, however intimate it may be? Why face to face with Him who penetrates all things, why that insurmountable obstacle, that unbridgeable gap? Why always a wall or a gaping void? Why do all things, as soon as they have shown Him to us, betray us by concealing Him again? -henri de lubac

when he saw his face reflected in his victim's twinkling eye

2006-03-18T11:24:00.000-08:00

i have gotten three spam emails in the last three days. well, i mean, i've gotten a lot more than that, but only about three have beaten google's impressive spam filter and made it all the way to my inbox. what has been weird about them (they were all viagra ads) is that they are all quoting famous russian novels. it is strange how you can tell that it's russian just from the flow of the narrative. maybe it is the way they translate it. or maybe (and much more likely, now that i think about) it is just my relatively limited exposure to world literature. the second one was from the brothers karmazov. this last one was from Mikhail Bulgakov's the master and margarita. who would've figured that junk email purveyers would be so well read.

... scheming, quarrelsome, sycophantic swine.' 'He's absolutely right! ' thought Stepa, amazed at such a truthful, precise and succinct description of Khustov. The ruins of yesterday were piecing themselves together now, but the manager of the Variety still felt vaguely anxious. There was still a gaping black void in his memory. He had absolutely no recollection of having seen this stranger in his office the day before. 'Woland, professor of black magic,' said the visitor gravely, and seeing Stepa was still in difficulties he described their meeting in detail. He had arrived in Moscow from abroad yesterday, had immediately called on Stepa and offered himself as a guest artiste at the Variety. Stepa had telephoned the Moscow District Theatrical Commission, had agreed to the proposal (Stepa turned pale and blinked) and had signed a contract with Professor Woland for seven performances (Stepa's mouth dropped open), inviting Woland to call on him at ten o'clock the next morning to conclude the details. ... So Woland had come. When he arrived he had been met by Grunya the maid, who explained that she herself had only just...

postus scriptus - the subject line (also about a character from russian literature) is from a mountain goats song called 'love love love'. listen, it is a recent favourite of mine.

he sang like a soldier of fortuneand sounded like he paid the price

2006-03-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

some days i listen to the free online talks provided at the regent college website. lately it's been a series of lectures on theology and culture, evaluating the viewpoints of several prominent christian thinkers. this was my favourite quote from the day before last:

it's not just about a bunch of guys off in the woods being studly theologians.
- john stackhouse, on deitrich bonhoeffer's 'life together' (a book about the church)

you will hear the highest highs and the lowest lows

2006-03-15T21:27:00.000-08:00

i sometimes wonder if there are things you cannot possibly know until you have lived them for a while. until you have let the idea work through you, have let it sit and mix with even the dimmest thoughts in your head and the most honest feelings in the farthest, deepest, loneliest part of your gut. and i wonder if maybe you have to cross your fingers and hope or guess wildly or maybe even fake part of it for a time until it becomes real and firm and perceptibly corporeal - until it is solid enough to stay without you needing to think reaffiriming thoughts every five minutes to keep it there.

i really hope that you don't have to fake part of it. i would hate that. it would eat me up. when i was in high school i did this bible study with a good friend and this guy that we took (okay, at least i took) to be a sort of spiritual guide. hacking his way through the supernatural jungle, with us pilgrims in tow. and i remember us talking about how if you didn't 'feel' like you loved Jesus the best way to go about it might be to start living like it and keep hoping until you really did. i am not sure if that is true. i have never been much of a feeler, myself, so, i try not to judge them too harshly.

or maybe that first paragraph is really wrong and that is not the case at all. maybe there is a deeper and more real type of magic moment that i have not yet uncovered in my travels. one that makes you see things you hadn't even guessed were around or even possible. maybe it will come tomorrow when i am thinking about it and hoping for it. maybe it will come in fifteen years when i am alone living with a cat in an attic (a well furnished attic, though, with big windows) and thinking that i desperately wanted this magic to come fourteen years prior. who knows? i do not, for certain. if i had to guess, though, i wouldn't put my money on the magic feeling.

i guess if everything were easy this life would be really boring and tedious. i am glad that the important things are hard to know about. so, thank you Lord for sweaty palms and lumps in the throat and nervous habits and obvious tells at the poker table. i am glad for them.

adjective; having separated or advocating separation from another

2006-03-15T08:24:00.000-08:00

one of my favourite things is when i discover that i am smarter than my computer. this does not happen very often because my computer is pretty darn smart, see. but this morning i was taking notes on an n.t. wright article and i typed the word 'fissiparous' (because the good ol' bishop o' durham had used it) into my computer and it thought that i had spelled something wrong. another point for me.

it is true that i would have felt even more proud if i had actually known what the word meant, and hadn't had to look it up. but that doesn't matter, see. the point is that i at least knew that it *was* a word.

UPDATE: upon reflection, i admit that this is a pretty sad and nerdish 'favourite' thing. maybe it could be a ... slightly amusing thing?

from tehran to london and back

2006-03-05T06:47:00.000-08:00

last thursday night i went to a gathering at an organization that some of my friends are in, something called international teams. they care a lot about refugees, and i happened to see that on one of their shelves was a book called 'embracing the infidel,' and i was intrigued enough by the title and the reviews on the back of the dust jacket to borrow it and read it this week. the book is written by a guy named behzad yaghmaian, who was born in Iran but moved to the United States where he is a political economy professor. the book is about immigrants. legal and illegal, trying to get out of muslim states and into the west. the book is formatted as a collection of short stories.

to gather the stories for the book, he took time off from teaching and travelled to the middle east, starting in Iran, talking to people about what they enjoyed about the state and what troubled them. from there he would move closer and closer to the heart of 'the west,' first to turkey, then to greece, to france and finally to england (the dream destination of many journeying migrants). i find that books full of good stories, especially real true-to-life stories, are hard to put down. i sometimes found it difficult to separate the individuals' stories in my mind because so many of the narrative elements were similar (harsh past, border guard brutality, rejection by friends family and prospective countries, hunger, poverty), but the content was more than worth a little confusion.

i've never really thought much about refugees or migrants. there just weren't many in northern ontario. reading this book has brought me a lot of questions, however. in the book, people are often rejected for asylum because their home-countries have become safer (i'm thinking mainly of afghanistan), or because there is a regime change that western countries deem favorable. in some ways i find it hard to really understand why these people are so dead-set on going to the west. is it really that much better? i suppose it is for some, what with the harsh family judgment they are receiving in their conservative countries. but what really drives them to the west? the commercials they see on tv? freedom, free markets, less corruption. you can hardly blame them for wanting to be part of it when we (the west) flaunt what we have in their direction on every channel and website, twenty-four seven. we want them to buy our goods and want to expand our markets to them, but don't want them coming over to where we are, taking our jobs, yadda yadda. and i can understand the immigration policies that these western countries have, too, to a certain extent. but it is hard to justify when you think that we have turned the west into a promised land in their eyes and then put up a big thick line around it with guard dogs and square badges prone to violence.

you can read sample chapters on his website.

a. nellie gets longer walks b. i become cold c. if a then b, therefore not a

2006-03-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

today i:
- took nellie for a walk
- got dirty looks from at least one u of w epidemiologist
- discovered an excellent sunset viewing location
- participated in my first experimental medical test
- ate my first gyro in far-too-long
- played a five string guitar in the dark
- read stories about muslim refugees
- took my first kw bus ride
- made fun of the ctv newscaster and his pink tie

i want winter to end. the sooner the better.

i am terrified of all things.frightened of the dark.i am.

2006-02-25T20:12:00.001-08:00

emotions and feelings are so weird. really. how they can grip your psyche and move you at the slightest remembrance of something that was once important to you. the worst, i think, is how the past is so clever at influencing the now. sometimes when i am in a reflective mood and i think that i am alone with my thoughts i will discover that i am instead alone with thoughts that i had quite some time ago. regurgitated like the past meal of some animal with multiple stomachs (cow, camel, goat? all ugly animals). good or bad thoughts or feelings or premonitions, it makes no difference. i just want to have todays instead.

how do you live in the now? how do you completely erase the might-have-beens and the did-not-really-ever-happens from the dusty (or not so dusty) archives of your memory? how do you focus instead on what could be or should be or even what might be done with the innumerable hours and minutes and seconds that seem to be approaching at an
ever-increasing rate.

there are days when i wish that i had the plans for what my life is supposed to be. detailed ones, with a dull blue background and sharp white lines and lots of superfluous notes put on for show by an overzealous architect. instead i can't even figure out what is inside me, never mind pretending to have some idea of how i fit into the world. just vague wants and goals and (worst of all) feelings. some days i would trade in the adventure for the answer book. and on those days it seems that simply breathing in and out and in and out and ... is all that can be done. at least that isn't so bad.

the worst journal entries are the ones that are filled with questions. better to write them and get them organized and out than to think them over and over when i should be doing dishes, though. : - ). to the dishes.

death is the only adventure you have left

2006-02-23T21:11:00.000-08:00

thus spoke cap'n hook to his young nemesis peter pan. captian hook is not the sort of pirate that i would wish to be like. far too many frills, like his mother had made his costume for him. how lame. that's about as cool as your mom decorating your skateboard. or getting your home ec teacher to stitch the anarchy symbol on your canvas backpack. and c'mon, making enemies with the boy who never gets old? that's just foolish. well, to be fair, i guess i understand how he could see some brat flying around in green tights and talking in a squeaky voice as annoying. hrm. hard to say. i guess it's one of those things that can only be decided when you're in the situation.

anyhow. i brought up the dying thing only to talk about where i went yesterday. yesterday i went with my very kinesiologically astute friend pam j and her younger siblings to body worlds 2 (dum dum dum). essentially it is naked dead people. however, the vast majority of them don't have skin, which makes it somewhat easier to take. it was fascinating. the human body is incredible. i used to doubt that lever2000 commercial (a type of soap) about washing your body's two thousand parts... but now i believe.

it is so amazing the way that the different systems in our body are packed so compactly and function so well together. there were definitely parts that were sort of creepy, though - bodies and muscles in unnatural postures to show a particular organ or body part better. i was sort of shocked at the little kids that some people were bringing. right near the end of the exhibit i was sitting down and these two little boys (7ish?) were asking their mom if they could finally leave (in a way that made it obvious that they were incredibly grossed out). then one kid says to the other, 'you don't have to look at them anymore,' and he proceeds to try and make his way out of the exhibit with his hands over his eyes. funny.

so, torontonians. you have like 2 days to see it before it leaves. though, i guess if you miss it you could always drive to philidelphia, though, or, fly to germany. gunther, who discovered the method (plastination) is german. weird that you would call it plastination. that makes me think of playdough. definitely not in the same realm. my discovery of the night? your colon and your large intestine are really the same thing. aren't you glad? one less bodypart to worry about. i wonder if they factored that in in the soap commercial calculations.

no scurvy for dan or joel

2006-02-21T20:52:00.000-08:00

are you aware that some people have blogs (i don't like that word when i have to type it and yet i cannot think of anything else that can replace it. argh.) that are only about revealing their deepest darkest secrets to the internet? it is true. this has not really been one of them. not until this very moment. i am only revealing this personal ugliness to you because i don't know what else to do. i have no one else to go to. only you, internet friends. i am not going to beat around the bush any longerm here goes:

the more that i watch 'everybody loves raymond' the more i want to watch. there are two seasons on dvd here, and it is on every channel at least twice every day. ARGH. his insipid suburban comedy is so mindnumbingly addictive. its like those valentines candies. what do they put in those?!? what?!? whatever it is, i am CERTAIN that it is a banned substance. bet you can't eat just fifty. they're so small and red. everytime i eat one i think 'blech, i hate these'. and yet, the next time i go near the little bowl i find myself reaching out again. and again. and again. is it the manageably tasty size? the shape? (is my subconscious telling me something?). they (those evil red candy makers / marketers / resellers) must be paying somebody (or somebodies) off big time to keep them on the market every year. back to raymond. why why why do i like them so much. i laugh out loud at least four times every single episode. that robert is so foolish to leave amy, why didn't deborah hold out for someone smarter than ray? how much needling can the old lady take before she poisons here obnoxious husband? (and why didn't she do it fifteen years ago?!?!). these are the questions that keep me awake at night. i love it, and i hate myself for loving it. sigh. prime time.

the t******s are gone for the week. they left us 18 cans of old south orange juice. the blood that is coursing through my veins is probably more orange than blue now.

i imagine that right now you feel a bit like alice

2006-02-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

it has been quite some time since i wrote anything substantive on this thing (in this thing? to this thing? after doing this on and off for three years i am still not really sure how you are supposed to talk about blog interaction). and it is not that i haven't tried. i've started at least four different ones that weren't really fit to finish. incomplete thoughts seem to be more the rule than the exception lately.

as i type this i am watching 'the matrix' with becky. it is hard to watch this neo-gothic [grin] cinematic marvel without wishing that i had a long black leather trench coat and the ability to bend and stretch physical reality at whim - maybe some day (though i'm not terribly attached to the trench coat). it has been quite some time since i watched it. this movie is brilliant - the story so well formed, the imagery so well crafted. i love the themes it explores, the real world beneath the world we're in, the faith needed to understand, see, experience this new world, hope embodied in a prophesied individual. a complicated parable, but one that i appreciate, for sure.

i have read a few books that do the same thing, make it easy to imagine fantastic things. but lately i have been reading a collection of sermons by francis buechner called 'telling the truth: the gospel as tragedy, comedy, and fairy-tale'. i love the way buechner puts things, explains how he sees what it means. i think he may be my new favourite. n.t. is giving him a run for his money, though, we'll see.

i am glad to be here, to have this time to let my thoughts percolate. i will try to write something worthwhile next time. : - ).

how to waste the next twenty minutes?

2006-02-08T10:36:00.000-08:00

watch the superbowl commercials. (especially the beer ads and the ones with the monkeys).

my favourite internet joke

2006-01-31T21:20:00.000-08:00

wait until you are using your computer late late at night and then come back and look at this again. you will howl with laughter. howl.

nothingisevergonnastandinmywayagain

2006-01-26T12:19:00.000-08:00

how to protect yourself fully:
- do not close your eyes, ever.
- never breathe in too deep.
- if you find you are being carried away by the beauty of a song or a cinematic episode or a play or a painting: stop it - leave the room / forest - emit a low grumbling noise to block it out - focus your eyes elsewhere.
- as often as possible think about concrete or inanimate objects or things smaller than you - concentrating on plastic packaging works especially well.
- become one with your cellphone / laptop / internet receptacle.
- grit your teeth.
- stay indoors.
- don't communicate verbally.
- do not sing or skip. ever.
- avoid (at all costs) looking people in the eyes.

oh man. the postal service is working its way deeper and deeper into my brain. slowly wearing me down into a meditative / vegetative state. i am sitting in somebody else's (jeremy went to ecuador this morning) office and just hooked this laptop up to his much-better-than-i-anticipated speakers. it's like ben gibbard is right behind me. well sort of like that, except not as creepy. now, back to jesus.

a remembering

2006-01-18T14:10:00.000-08:00

this past sunday steve read a portion from a letter one of the first christians wrote to his friends in rome. it made me think a lot, even just remembering what Jesus said, and reconsidering what it means to live like he did. i wrote it out in my own words so i could think about it better.

make sure that your love is real. detest the evil that you see, but latch on to, embrace, what you see that's good. love the people around you as if they were your brothers and sisters, and outdo each other in the way that you show respect for people, the way you honour each other. be excited, alive, in the way that you serve the Lord. rejoice in the hope that you have, be patient when you are going through hard times, and always be talking with God. help your fellow Jesus-followers when they need things and be hospitable whenever and wherever you can.

when people do bad things to you or say bad things about you, treat them well, and wish them well, hope for good things for them, instead of returning bad to them. be happy and excited with people who are happy and excited, and cry and be sad with the people who are crying and sad. live in harmony with the people in your community there. don't think or act like you're better than everyone else, but instead hang out with the people who are the least prestigious, the people who are looked down on. don't be conceited, ever. don't do something bad to someone who does bad things to you, but try to think about what you could do that everyone would see as the right thing to do. live in peace with everyone, as much as you possibly can. don't avenge yourself when people do you wrong, but leave the sorting out of the situation to God, He's already said that He'll sort everything like that out. in fact, when your enemy is hungry, feed him; and when he is thirsty, give him something to drink; if you do this, you'll make him embarrassed for the way he's treated you. don't let evil take you over, instead beat it back by doing good.

thus far in my life i think i would have to say that i have done pretty poorly. going through those sentences just now, to try and put them in my own words, the thing that most stuck out to me was how simple the instructions are. and yet i still have so much trouble with them. i often think better of myself than i do of others. i am way more likely to talk badly of someone who talks badly about me than i am to wish good things for them. i don't really talk to God that often. and even my fellow Jesus-followers, sometimes i have a really hard time acting (or even thinking) charitably towards them. i would much rather hang out with the people who are like me than hang out with the people who are dressed in raggedy clothes and smell bad and perhaps "aren't all there". sometimes i am not sure how real the love i have for other people is. i am no Jesus, not even a little Jesus. but i have said all of this before, and i am quite sure that i will end up saying it all again.

an ocean, a distant motion, sloow motion

2006-01-17T09:37:00.000-08:00

i have long believed in, and a few times felt, a quietness that can invade a soul like a deep sleep. i cherish those times. this internship (or whatever you call it, following?) was meant to have some qualities that would lend itself to that sort of thing. embracing quietness, letting it take over. the house of t is a good place to do that. sometimes in the late evenings i will sit in the dark on the couch in the front room and hear only the quiet mumblings of the refrigerator.

i have been quite enjoying this time already. i am glad that i can do this. step back, think, reflect. already i find myself learning a lot about people, and about how to interact with them, when to be straight with them and when to be softer because they need it. i am also learning a lot about what i didn't really think about beforehand, about the mechanism of a church corpus, how different people think it should be put together or organized, or open for change or positioned for growth.

when i think of a church meeting i generally think this: small groups of people who really connect with one another, who share their experiences with each other, encourage each other to live and love the best way possible, to share and embrace the freedom and joy of the connection with Jesus as a community. to people who do not understand this or want to understand this it probably sounds like some sort of orwellian groupthink. but when i sit back to times i have had when i really felt like i was in that sort of community there is nothing sinister or malevolent or even foolish about it. but lately, i have come to realize that that is not the end of what local church means. i am still sorting it out. i am glad to be here to do it.

i am quite thankful for the people here. i am enjoying them a lot. and i don't mean to neglect this journal quite so much. maybe i will get better at it. : - ).

i resolve to appreciate beautiful things ... and do no math

2006-01-01T20:41:00.000-08:00

'One night I went for a walk by the sea along the empty shore. It was not gay, but neither was it sad... it was... beautiful. The deep-blue sky was flooded with clouds of a blue deeper than the fundamental blue of intense cobalt, and others of a clearer blue, like the blue whiteness of the Milky Way. In the blue depth the stars were sparkling, greenish, yellow, white, pink, more brilliant, more sparklingly gem-like than at home - even in Paris: opals you might call them, emeralds, lapis lazuli, rubies, sapphires. The sea was very deep ultramarine - the shore a sort of violet and faint russet, as I saw it.' - vvg, 1888

a man in good health can live from 8 to 12 days without water

2005-12-28T07:35:00.000-08:00

my grandma was going through things and found this book that my grandpa got when he was in the US Navy for WWII: Survival on Land and Sea. here is the cover, and the section about learning where you are from the stars. such a cool book! it tells you what sort of plants you can eat in the tropics, tells you how you can swim away from a ship that is surrounded by a burning oil slick, how to rig fishing lures, even gives a breakdown of edible arctic plantlife. if i had more patience, i would scan the whole thing.

captured in time and space

2005-12-23T21:42:00.000-08:00

my brothers just teamed up against me to defeat me in settlers of cataan, as should rightfully happen. jon became 'lord of cataan' and we all paid him his due homage as was formally required of us on page twelve of the official rules. i wish all kingdoms came with a nice little rule book that told you what was what. heck, i bet a lot of serfs did (do?) too. are there still serfs? serf is such a much cooler title than peasant. what is the difference between serfs and peasants? see, this is where i feel that engineering didn't adequately prepare me for the real world. what really matters to me this very second is why serfs and peasants are different (are serfs russian peasants?), and no amount of differential equation solving is gonna give me the answer. i bet all of my jobless history degree carrying friends know this answer. jobless history degree carrying friends: TELL ME.

this is the holidays. incessant troublemaking and mocking of/with the brothers, watching movies mostly made for girls to humour your mom, visiting those crazy cousins, and having coffee (er, warm drinks) with old friends. i wish there was some better euphemism for having a good talk with a friend than 'having coffee', 'cuz i really am not too found of the black death, or, as graeme likes to put it, the devil's breastmilk.

although not all talks with old friends go the way that you would like. today i had a long conversation with my old friend d, whom i have known since i don't even remember when. he and i are now travelling quite different paths through this universe. this saddens me. i sometimes wish that those people were right and that you could argue people into believing what you believe, or in hoping what you hope for, or in loving what you love. but you cannot. words (especially argumentative ones) can be pretty empty sometimes.

fare well.

a winter's day, in a deep and dark december

2005-12-22T17:45:00.000-08:00

tuesday morning i packed all of my earthly belongings into the trunk of my parents' dodge intrepid and left ottawa for a good long while. i only had a trunkfull [minus the stacks of overpriced and under-used textbooks i left behind]. i am not sure whether to be proud that i only have a trunkfull of belongings or slightly disappointed that everything i own can be crammed into the luggage compartment of a mid-sized automobile.

the thought that i don't have to go back to school has not quite settled into my mind yet. i think it might take a bit before it does. the thought of not having to study anymore, however, is firmly entrenched. : - ). i am so glad to be done those exams. well, glad to be done studying for them. truth be told, engineering exams are often a lot of fun. they are like several hours of puzzles. not so fun when you forget the formulas that help you figure out the puzzles, but when you have studied enough they are a good time.

i can't remember the last time that i made such a big change. going to belgium, perhaps. but that was a fixed (and short) amount of time and i knew that i was coming back.

yesterday i was talking to my friend m about feeling like an adult. coming home for christmas will do that to you. maybe because you are put back into all of the people and places and sounds and shapes of growing up. well, most, anyway. i don't think i will ever get my own room in this house again. being the eldest of four brothers i sort of lost my room by default the second that i got into that van to drive to alberta (that seems like so long ago!). so, it is strange to come back to this place in a way. i never have to listen to another university lecture or pay another semester's worth of tuition. i need never live in another student house (though i will miss parts of that very much). the world is somewhat different. my life is open. i find myself wavering between that being really exciting and really unnerving.

it is good to be home, though, even despite sleeping on the pull-out couch with the really bad springs (i never used to notice sleeping on bad mattresses, but i have started to in the last few months - i think this might mean i am getting old). last night was the first night that all of my family has been home since, since, hrm, since i am not sure when. oh, since my cousin's wedding. i enjoy my brothers a lot more now than i ever did when i was growing up. i am glad that has changed. i am not sure if it's because i'm less selfish and singleminded or because they are just different now, and it's much easier for me to see them as themselves, individuals. they are such good kids. and by kids i mean people. interesting and fun, knowing how to have a good time, not being stupid and killing my mother with worry. i think it is safe to say that i appreciate my family more now than i ever did before. i am glad for it.

there are friends to see so i am going to leave this now.

if you didn't get the electronic message

2005-12-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

In celebration of numerous events in need of celebration (the city flooding the rink behind our house, the completion of one particular undergraduate engineering degree, and dan leaving ottawa for a good long while to name a few) there will be a party at our house tomorrow night (tuesday december twentieth). It starts at 9 o'clock (Post Meridiem). You should bring skates, a hockey stick (if you have one), and clothes warm enough that you won't complain if you find yourself pushed into a snowbank. Fireplace enjoyment, warm drinks, food, board/card games, an old movie, and general merriment to follow.

Our house can be found at 1270 Cheverton Ave and is within easy walking distance of the Billings Bridge transit station. [Map] .

If you want to bring a snack to share you are most welcome to.
Invite whomever you wish.

i have dreamed of this day. finally!

2005-12-18T14:19:00.000-08:00

giant apes get all the girls

2005-12-16T17:17:00.000-08:00

official food of the 2005 fall exam season: baba ghannouj and pitas
a close second: blueberry pancakes

it isn't christmas music if it isn't accompanied by metallica

2005-12-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

i just came back from the christmas concert at my church. little kids are so hilarious. it seems that the first thing that any kid does when they get to the front of the stage is wave at the people they know in the audience. and what can you do then? you have to get them to stop waving, right? so that the play can continue. but how can you do that? wave at them to stop waving? no. that doesn't work. it just encourages them to wave more vehemently. there is no hand gesture that means 'stop waving'. i guess you could try and give them a stern look. but that's sort of dangerous too as it could (in their high-tension emotional state) start them crying our something (which would be far worse. yes, this problem would result in neverending christmas pageants except for one very wise addition to the christmas play framework: prompters. prompters are the adults who try to crouch in inconspicuous places on the stage so that they can shout instructions (or forgotten lines) to children. i am thankful for them because although the waving is cute, i am pretty sure it would become tiresome after a few minutes.

i am half done my exams. three more. arguably the three hardest. in less than seven days i will be free free free. hrm. this reminds me that i need to call my parents. i have run out of things to say anyway.

breathing in and out and in and out.

2005-12-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

one day (if i make it there) my skin will be translucent and wrinkled and my hair will be wild every day. i will wear jogging pants and ugly cardigans and will sit in the mall food court doing logic puzzles and mumbling to myself in a happy, contented, and slightly befuddled manner. i will wear comfortable brown dress socks and grey running shoes that have velcro instead of laces and no one will smirk at them when they walk by, because i will be old. and i won't have to wear ear plugs to block out the world because i will be so deaf that even if the kids listening to metallica on their headphones real real loud sit down right beside me i will not notice. and i will never ever think about parallel processors or scalable architectures or interconnect networks or shared memory systems, because after my exam tomorrow i am going to forget them so well that they will never enter my mind again. and if (perchance) sometime someone says to me "hey dan, what do you think about those new vector processors with their fantastic multiple instruction multiple data bus system?" i will give them a bewildered look and a slight shrug.

tomorrow takes so long to get here some days.

actually, that is not what i want to do when i become old (i was going to say 'old and wise' but i am not sure that i will get to that point. i think i have a better shot at old). i once read (or heard once) someone write that when they get to be old they want to have a goodbye party with their family, buy a plane ticket with their remaining, cash and fly to a poor country and just live at an orphanage until they die - loving children who need it. that sounds a lot better than logic puzzles in the mall. i guess we'll see. hopefully i will get the velcro shoes either way.

not good. not good at all.

2005-12-07T08:36:00.000-08:00

today, while studying for my geology exam this afternoon, i came upon this very disturbing piece of information: kaolinite is used in McDonalds' milkshakes. kaolite's other major use is brick pottery.

quit, now, full of heart and comfort,these rude shores, they are of earth

2005-12-06T10:51:00.000-08:00

i went on a trip out east a few weekends ago with some friends, and one afternoon we went to peggy's cove. peggy's cove is a very scenic spot with a lighthouse and lots of grey rocks and crazily coloured sea-plantlife and is about a half an hour's drive from halifax. to the detriment of the cove's reputation i did not meet any girls named peggy but i did take a picture for some americans and did manage to almost kill myself on some slippery rocks (well, not quite, but it could easily have gone that way had i not been at the very peak of my rock balancing game that afternoon). on the lighthouse there was this old plaque and it said something like this " SAVOUR THE SEA FROM A DISTANCE - many a careless sightseer has been rewarded with death and serious harm by underestimating the power and danger of the sea." which, you know, seemed sort of harsh. not wanting death or serious harm, i (mostly) kept my distance from the water from that point on (i, of course, read this sign after i had about killed myself on the aforementioned slippery rocks).

the ocean has got to be my one of my favourite things. on that trip we also went to lawrencetown beach. not really to sightsee, though, as we went there at night. you could only see the dark outline of the huge waves as they came crashing in. and when we got close to the edge (every time i get near the ocean i find it impossible to not put my hand in and taste the salt in the water - it is a compulsion!) you could feel the power and turbulence in the waves transmitted through the air, and you could hear the movement of hundreds of medium sized rocks scraping against each other as the crashing surf jostled them about. it made you want to experience the power of the water, not just look or feel it from a distance. unfortunately it was the middle of the night in late november, and those factors combined with that whole 'the ocean is dangerous' thing sort of quashed that adverturesome notion before it could really get started. there is a part of it being dangerous that makes it so good, though i can't quite sort it out in my head enough to express it well.

today i went to the last undergraduate class of my computer engineering degree. it was about computer security and it was very boring (surprise!). i also handed in my last assignment (an admittedly dull 6600 word, 45 page report on this robotic arm that my lab partner and i have been fooling with for the last three months). after we were finished writing the report my plan was to study for my geology exam on wednesday (rocks for jocks it is not) but i couldn't concentrate. so i came home and slept. naps are wonderful. i wish i lived in that place where they have siestas every afternoon. where is that? spain? mexico? i wonder if i can start a grassroots movement for that sort of thing in ottawa. we're going to need a parade and placards and catchy slogans. if you have any ideas for those, let me know. but until my dream of the siestanization of our northern land comes to fruition, i take comfort in the fact that i am only six relatively troubling tests away from freedom. riotous celebration to follow. details to come. buy your sparklers now.